HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SHO-CHAN!!!!

Oh my god okay. So.

I am such in an emotional mess rn because someone is being verbally abusive again and I know how much of a shit person I am already and that I'm currently jobless rn and practically useless at home since I've been going out very often because we're about to launch a xeroxzine but I don't have money all the time and well in short I wanna kill myself but no because it's Sho's anniversary and a page on FB posted an edited video about him talking about how he got into JE and why he's still in JE and a few emotional words from Aibachii and Ohchan and oh my god, it just hit me so hard.

It hasn't even been a year yet since I joined this fandom but I love Sho so much like honestly I don't think I have been so obsessed with an idol before, how much more a person. Tom Hiddleston didn't even hit me as hard as Sho did. I mean, Tom was like the sun to me but Sho is basically... I can't really find a word to describe him, I guess, but I'm practically so obsessed, I see him everywhere.

I don't understand where I'm going with this post and honestly it's turning into a psycho-babble-bullshit and a soup of feelings, but I guess I'm really happy that bae shoved this band of five adorable old men down my throat and made me memorize their names and practically forced me into watching their videos and sent me that picture of Sho with the water gun. I mean, I will sound like those obsessed crazy fan girls (maybe I am, but you know what I mean) but you know how fandoms give you a grip in life? Like a clutch? Like cigarettes? That's how I feel about Sho rn.

And yes, when he joined JE his parents weren't really supportive... and I think I'm really feeling that rn. The difference I guess is that Sho actually got paid when he joined Junior. Hahahahah.

I definitely can not say that Arashi saved my life because I have not been in this fandom as other senpais who have been here since the beginning of time (THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HARD WORK) and I have, realistically speaking, battled my demons with my own strength, but I will say that Arashi does keep me afloat in this sea of bullshit that I currently feel. I'm starting to get cheesy but haha they're basically keeping me alive. My friends mostly, of course, and them.

Fucking hell I can't believe I'm saying this. Hahahahaha.

But to Sho "WANNA KNOW?" Sakurai,

Puta, I love you, okay. Like, really. Like, wow. Like, no way in hell would you be able to read this and the chances of me seeing you irl is close to negative ten million but Jesus. Thank you for existing. Thank you for agreeing to debut and for staying. Thank you for graduating, for showing them that you could do it despite being an idol, thank you for saying that you will never ever lose to yourself and that everything will eventually become better as long as we keep moving forward, and honestly that was something I needed to hear right now because, holy shit. Thank you to your parents who didn't agree to your decision wholeheartedly at first but supported you in the end anyway, another thank you to them for bringing you into this complicated world, and thank you so much for just being Sho Sakurai, you nadegata. I think I can keep moving forward with your help. I think life is better. I think I'm okay.

(Even though I'm crying a puddle rn)

Thank you for everything Sho-chan and happy anniversary.

YOU ARE MY SOUL SOUL GAGO KA